i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
