Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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