Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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