i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
this must be what syphilis tastes like
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
