did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
