maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
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Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
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I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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