This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
vagina is talking i cant
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
