her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
