My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
