i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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