I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
