you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
