You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
