I think my vagina is haunted
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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