You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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