Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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