lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
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I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
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I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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