I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
