You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
