There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Welp...herpes.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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