Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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