winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
