Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
