She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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