No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
