Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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