we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
