We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize