Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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