I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
