I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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