pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
