When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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