So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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