You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
