i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
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I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
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Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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