When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize