so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
