I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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