I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
not ubering you a puppy
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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