Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
it hurts more in the daytime
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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