you turned your livingroom into a bong?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
