apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
