so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This is the high leading the old right now
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
