I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
