sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
