Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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