He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them