Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.