Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
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we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
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I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.