we made out on top of his cat.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.