Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now