Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
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Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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