I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"