can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
