its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
