The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.