apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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