I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him