Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD