she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.