Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

she kept yelling 'call me bella'

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.

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(417): View more from Missouri

I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.

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(949): View more from California

I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(559): View more from California

today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club

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(708): View more from Illinois

I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.

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(585): View more from New York

He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.

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