Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?