why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
