Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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