Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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