Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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