Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Acid is not a monday night drug
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
