So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
