I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
