Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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