y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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