just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
