we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
