My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
