I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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