I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
