does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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