Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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